im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize