I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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