you win again, gameday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
