I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
