are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
