Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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