Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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