Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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