You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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