Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're a waste of cheezeits
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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