we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
