can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
