lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
