I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
