"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
