Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
