I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
