I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
