I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
