Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
