fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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