he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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