Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
