You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
