When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
