Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
