i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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