Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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