He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She needs sedatives and a leash
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
