i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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