i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
