I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
