I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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