What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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