Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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