I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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