"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am available for nakedness
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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