mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
