The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
