Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He better not be in your backpack
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
