I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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