wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
