Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
