I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
