I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
