Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
