we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
