Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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