But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
