My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
