peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
