sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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