Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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