We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
