This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize