did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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