I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
