im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
