we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
