yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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