I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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