hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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