Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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