hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
