Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
