I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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